*crickets*

*door creaking*

*dust blows off desk*

...oh, hi. Guess I got lost for a little while there...kinda let the place go to to pot. Oh well, back now. For a minute or two at least. Thanks for sticking around. Or coming back. Or for stopping by at all. I'll try to make it worth your time.

I wonder about a lot of things. I think I've made that abundantly clear within the pages of this site. About relationships, career decisions, overall life choices in general, and (occasionally) what the hell Uwe Boll is thinking.

Through all the scattered words, I think one element should be more obvious than any other:
I have no clue what I'm talking about.

No, really. Sometimes I sound like I do, and sometimes I actually believe I do, but it's all a cleverly crafted facade. Well, it's not that clever actually. Sort of like throwing a flannel sheet over your head and calling it a superhero cape. Your friends might play along for a while, but eventually you have to make the bed.

So where am I this week? Surprisingly, I'm happy. I know, I know...weird. I suppose "abnormal" would be a better word choice, but you know me and decisions.

I've been drifting for a while, and I still am (of course), but I think the part where I managed to smash myself into the rocks (in recent memory) was where I started extraverting myself. I've always pulled an "I" on the Myers-Briggs personality test, and there's a part of me that's always wanted to fight that. But it's my nature. It's who and what I am. I don't find shame in being called an "introvert" any more than I would in being called a "geek", or a "weirdo". That last one might be a little hurtful though, FYI.

I'm thirty years old. That's not a statement of grand revelation, and I'm not going to follow it up with any cliches like "I can't believe where I'm at" or "Where does the time go?". It's just a fact. A number. An arbitrary measurement. You can't quantify experience or maturity. I've felt I was an adult on some level since I was in my mid-teens. And I've met people in their 20's who I would trust with my life and people in their 40's who...let's just say "the opposite of my previous comment" and leave it at that.

I just get confused sometimes, about what I want. Not just in the grand scheme of things, but even on a day to day basis. I think I want something, and I truly believe I want it, but in the end, it was just what I convinced myself I needed. I'm not talking about anything specifically, which is why this all sounds so vague. But the matter at hand is this: I control my happiness, ultimately. We all do. It's just another choice. There are factors that can influence us, even drive us hard in directions we'd rather not go, but we have to be the ones to say "Yo, jackass, I'm in charge here. Enough with the brooding". Even if melancholy suits us at times. And matches our wardrobe.

Why am I happy? Because I choose to be. Because I understand that I am not a measure of what I can do for people, but rather it's the interactions I share that make myself and life as a whole worthwhile. Sometimes we're lucky enough to meet people that, in a short space of time, can have a lasting and positive impact on our souls. Sometimes we find ourselves enjoying the company of kindred spirits who share in our joys and our accomplishments. And sometimes, just sometimes, we come across someone special enough to introduce us to the awesomeness that is Zero Punctuation.

All of those things make me smile, and so do you, my friends.

TTFN

-Dav-

"Oh I'm the weird one? You're the one calling Barry Mannilow from a phone booth at 2 am!" "Can't Hardly Wait" was sort of what you would get if "The Breakfast Club" spent too much time in a room with Carl Jung. I'm just a hyperlinking fool today!

...where was I? Isn't that a fantastic question, rhetorical or not? The subtext within it bristles.

Literally speaking, I've been around. I'm cast in a new show that opens in October (at PTP, natch). I'm midway through my summer semester with UMUC Online. Only ten more classes to go after this, and I'll finally have a degree. And I took a trip to New York for an extended weekend near the end of June. This is the part where I'd link pictures.

Only I lost my camera on the last day there.

It's a short, stupid story that I don't care to repeat. Short, short version: my fault. At least the camera was free, and I can always take the photos again. Just gives me an excuse to go back to visit in the near future.

I DID manage to scribble a few things down, which I thought I might share with (how many people read this again, 2? 1.5?) uh, those of you that care to read it.

( Alone But Not Lonely... )

There is another piece I wrote shortly after that one, but I'll save that for another post.

TTFN

-Dav-

"There is no cake." "Portal". Including in "The Orange Box", or for separate purchase through Xbox Live if that's your flavor. Look it up. Seriously.

[Technically that one's from a video game, not a movie, but I'm a little obsessed with it at the present. You should see my Lappy's desktop.]

I'm taking a hiatus for the time being on topics of general mood-dampening quality. "Time being", of course, is a mutable and wholly undefined period of 4th-dimensional space. For instance, I could mean a few seconds or until the end of the known universe. Which could, in all fairness, be the within the next few seconds.

.....

...nothing yet? Okay, let's continue.

What do I like at present?

• My Xbox 360. I don't think I praise it enough. It plays movies. It invites me into wonderful (often very violent) digital worlds. It even lets me download new episodes of The Guild as soon as they're available. As a side note, I find it interesting that I find such amusement in humor related to WoW and other MMORPGs, despite my never having played one. Or is that too self-referential?
  
  
• My classes. No, really. I'm finally reaching a point where I know what I need to do to motivate myself despite not having a traditional classroom structure. And I'm grasping concepts that were, well, the phrase "alien to me" just doesn't cover it. Binary addition, base number conversion, data representation, relational database structure & use of SQL, object-oriented programming, starting with Java and moving into the more simplified but still robust Visual Basic .Net...and, come December 2010, I'll be college grad. For real this time!
  
  
• The gym. I'm down to about 190 lbs (I hit 215 this time in '07, and I'm only 5'10", I was a mess). But it's not about the weight loss, it's the sense of accomplishment I have in reaching goals I set for myself. They may start small - do 12 repetitions of X weight, twice - but over time I move up. I'm actually at the point where I have to use free weights instead of machines, since I've reached the limits on the stacks. That's just me showing off. Mind you, I don't do it often.
  
  
• My WATCH award. Didn't hear? Well, I was honored with an award from the Washington Area Theater Community Honors for Outstanding Stage Combat Choreography for mine (and Randy's) work on "Noises Off" from last May. I was stunned to be nominated in the first place...but when they announced my name at the awards ceremony, that was a hell of a thing. I didn't bother to prepare a speech, of course, and fumbled something about thanking the director, producer and the theater. It was nice to be recognized for something that I actually put effort into. As opposed to, say "Never Swim Alone" (SO very joking). Okay, so that's back-to-back, bragging. I think I'll close here.
  

I just wanted to fill in some space here for a little time, until I can take a few moments to compose something more thought-out and literate. I think I'll talk about movies and video games. There's a twist.

Oh, and I really like this:

(I have no idea who "Jenny" is)


Thanks for hanging around and seeing what I have to say.

TTFN

-Dav-

"Let me show you something that will make you feel young again, as when the world was new." Look, "Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan" just happened to be playing on cable when I was posting last time. And it's sort of an imperative that I watch it. It's just one of those things. Almost like a prime directive... :-p

It's wall to wall lyrics these days:


I want something
That's purer than the water
Like we were

It's not there now
Ineloquence and anger
Are all we have

Like Saturn's rings
An icy loop around me
Too hard to hold

Lash out first
At all the things we don't like
Or understand

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

The answer phone
The lonely sound of your voice
Frozen in time

I only need
The compass that you gave me
To guide me on

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
That all this fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

It's so thrilling but also wrong
Don't have to prove that you are so strong
'Cause I can carry you on my back
After our enemies attack

I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost


"It's Beginning to Get to Me" by Snow Patrol

This song is not to reference any person in particular (as the previous selection did), don't misunderstand. I'd hate to give a false impression of myself or my current relationships. Rather, it's drawn from a sense of displacement I have in general. I've mentioned this to a couple of people (literally 2) that understand this element of myself better than most (or any). I feel as though I've lost my place within my community.

Which branches into the broader topic at hand, one that ever remains a part of my identity...purpose. Or place, if you will. I feel that under certain contexts the two terms are semantically identical. Know your place, know your purpose, make sense of it all.

Except when the place that feels like home no longer welcomes you. Or, worse yet, disavows your value. How then does one react? Moving on makes the most sense, right? Or finding a new home. That has to be sensible, despite the difficulty involved in it.

I've always considered myself nomadic in nature. Both physically and spiritually. I have flights of disparity that define my greater bewilderment. And the questions drive me forward.

Sometimes I ask "why?", but that always proves to be a fruitless endeavor. No one ever answers except those that don't really know the truth of the matter. While I appreciate the insight that those I care for provide, I desire the light of knowledge and understanding with such zeal that I often overlook the value and simple purity of basic compassion.

There are elements within me that are monstrous. I don't deny this, but I don't find pride in it either. It's the nature of humanity that we have the potential to both create and destroy. I try to nurture the former with writing, mostly. Occasionally I dabble in other arts, like sketching or photography, on an entirely amateurish level. There was a time when I tried my hand at performing, but that was a dream I eventually woke up from.

Which finds me sitting up in my bed, wondering where so much time has gone. What have I accomplished in my life so far? What have I created? What have I destroyed? What will remember my passing besides footfalls in the mud? When I'm reduced to ashes, will any other part of me remain?

It really is beginning to get to me.



In other news, I managed to sever half my fingernail on my right pinky. Remember, I am a very skilled man.

TTFN

-Dav-

"She is a mite unpredictable. Mood swings, of a sort." This is the second time I'm quoting "Serenity"...and it won't be the last.

Still holding out hope we can do this show ("Fun + Games") one more time, but the dates are disappearing quickly. I'll be in touch.

And then I open a box I thought was locked and find lyrics:

I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding way
Miss your approach to life and your body in my bed
Miss your take on anything and the music you would play
Miss cracking up and wrestling, our debriefs at end of day

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you
like this

I miss your neck and your gait and your sharing what you write
Miss you walking through the front door, documentaries in your hand
Miss traveling, our traveling and your fun and charming friends
Miss our Big Sur getaways and to watch you love my dogs

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you
like this

One step, one prayer
I soldier on
Simulating moving on

I miss your warmth and the thought of us bringing up our kids
And the part of you that walks with your stick-tied handkerchief

These are the things that I miss
These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence
And I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you
like this

"Torch" by Alanis Morissette

This is one of the many hundred (thousand?) songs that I've entered into my collection in the last few years and never heard until recently. It helps that I, only last month, acquired an external USB sound card. After almost 18 months of having a mute laptop...I can hear the world again. Or at least the one that passes through my wireless connection. Needless to say, I spent the next several hours after that purchase and installation rediscovering my oft unused iTunes library.

Maybe that's what's been holding me back from posting here. I think if I'm known for anything among my family and friends it's for the Super-Trivia level of movie knowledge that I have. Try me. I'm a walking IMDB. And while I love movies, no question, what is generally less recognized is my insatiable aural indulgence. I will never, in my life, hear enough music. If I could go through my day with one earphone plugged in, running through an endless playlist...it would be a start. I even tried that when I was still in high school. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids.

...no, really. The other students ratted me out to the teacher.

In that effect, having regular access to nearly 23 days worth of music denied to me is a likely culprit for my crippled creativity. At least that's where I'm pointing the finger this week. I'll be sure to update the blameworthy when I drop off the face of the internet again.

Which, in a quasi-roundabout way, brings me back to that song. I first heard it maybe three weeks ago playing on my iPod on my way to work one morning. It moved me. I don't use that phrase lightly. In fact, I can only think of maybe two other times I've actually typed it out. It reminds me of someone. Someone I miss. Not because they are physically removed from this world, but because they are not the part of my life that they once were. I mean, read the lyrics.

The thing that stayed with me as I listened to it again...and a third time...was not the image of those words being from me to them, but from them to me. Especially the line that goes "and to watch you love my dogs".

I don't know why I feel compelled to express this to the formless digital void that exists past this monitor. I just know that it's something that I find catching in my throat every time I hear those piano keys start to chime. There's only one other song in recent memory that I keyed to a specific soul that I once had the honor to touch. And when I heard THAT song (by Imogen Heap) playing in some cheesy, 90's British "romantic comedy" I felt that familiar catch taking hold again.

I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Broken inside, perhaps. But I don't believe that to be the case. I just held something very precious and I will always have a part of that (and them with me). I'm blessed in that way. The people I've known are the greatest treasures I've ever stumbled across. They don't belong to me, but I had the simple joy of polishing them for a time, watching them shine like the rare gems they are. If I was a part of that, I'm more than thankful. I'm ecstatic.

The trick lies in not losing one's self in the process. In making certain that no matter how much you learn about another person or their ideas or their dreams...that you still manage to leave a piece of yourself with them in turn. Sometimes the most wonderful feeling in the world is knowing someone misses you too.

TTFN

-Dav-

"I don't want to play this game anymore." This would be line from the aforementioned one-act, "Fun + Games". Unpublished, so odds are even you've never heard of it. ...maybe we'll perform it one more time...

EDIT: Less than 4 hours after I sent that email and posted this message I found out that there is a conflict with the theater for the 20th...so, yeah...I'll edit this edit once I have a CONFIRMED date for the performance. Dagnabit.

(I try to make it a rule not to repeat myself. But, despite having already sent the following in an email to quite a few people, I'm going to post this message here to get just as much coverage as possible)

To start with I want to thank those folks who came to see PTP's submission to the 2009 Maryland Community Theater Festival, "Fun + Games" for our special "preview showing" last month. The next weekend after that on January 17th the show was presented to a very receptive audience in Frederick, MD. I had the best seat in the house. Not only because I was in the light booth above the rest of the audience, but also because I got to see three actors do some incredible work.

The notes that followed from the three adjudicators were all directorial in their criticism (which I expected), and I hold high praise and pride for the three performers that brought that show to life. They took 23 pages of typed words and clunky stage direction and turned it into a work of art. I was truly, and without a doubt, moved by the show I saw.

The next day's awards brunch was a pleasant affair, and as they handed out various certificates of merit for the various categories (Best Production, Best Director, Outstanding Performances, etc) I found myself silently hoping that each and every one of my actors would be recognized for their work. Not because I wanted to return with an arm full of trophies (although that would have been pretty keen). Not because I felt they deserved to be compensated for agreeing to this whole affair.

No...I wanted them to be rewarded because they earned it. In the end we DID receive an award for Outstanding Performance for Hillori (in the role of "Another"). I still feel that Katie and Kyle should have been on the recipients list as well. I'm certain I'm biased, but I really don't care. I loved watching them up there. And I'm glad I get one last opportunity to do so (as do any of you in the area with some time to spare in a couple of weeks).

We're having one final performance of the one-act "Fun + Games" (can I say award-winning here if the award was given to a performer and not the show? ...nevermind). The date and time for this is Friday, February 20th at 8:30pm at the Port Tobacco Players theater in La Plata (home stage, baby!). The show itself runs about 35 minutes (plenty of time for drinks and dinner afterwards) and the house will open at 8pm.



I hope everyone can make it. As I said, I'm proud of this show. And believe me when I say it wasn't the script that won me over. ;-)

TTFN

-Dav-

"Try blue, it's the new red!" I've said several times that "Wall-E" has to be one of the sweetest movies I've seen in a long time. And that is due entirely to the title character. I really enjoyed how EVERYone who's path met his was affected for the better just for having known him. I can't say how much simple joy I find in just the idea of that. :)

I signed up for this site on September 30, 2003. I started posting to this page on October 1 of that year. My calendar says it was a Wednesday.

I talked about how I like to write, and I would like to be published someday and how I wasn't certain I could maintain a regular schedule in updating, but I'd do my best.

I recall (vaguely) being so jazzed about having a virtual outlet for my words. That was still during the infancy of my online activities. I'd tooled around AOL as a boy, not AIM, mind you, but the old school AOL ISP (kids, ask your parents about that one), but I'd only poked at the tip of that [insert cliche here]. I was one of the first people to have a MySpace account (I'm not bragging about this, just dating myself) a site that sprung up in 2003 following the initial success of Friendster (does anyone even use that site anymore?). I quickly started to build a nest in the interspaces...I installed AIM on any computers I used...I signed up for no less than 4 email providers...I even had a Match.com account for a few years...

My first computer (a laptop, of course) was purchased in the fall of '04. I still have that same computer to this day, although it's gone through a hard drive or two. My typing speed began to increase exponentially the more time I spent chatting and "hanging out" online. I went from a rough 20 wpm to somewhere in the neighborhood of 40 wpm in a few months. These days in more in line with 60 wpm with 95% accuracy (now I'm bragging). My experience with machines and my understanding of them grew as well.

I taught myself HTML, specifically to get better use from this site in the inclusion of hyperlinks or images, or in the overall reformatting of the words I typed. I still had no grasp of CSS or ASP (not that I needed any of these in those early days), but times they are a-changing.

I've taken courses in the past year to obtain an entirely new (yet somewhat familiar) skill set in the realm of computing and programming. Java, Visual Basic, Relational Databases, XML, C++...these are the KSA's that will propel me forward in my current position. Also? I think they're neato.

I've trimmed my email accounts to just the one for Gmail (I'm a full convert and disciple these days), and I don't really update any of my "networking" accounts at all anymore. I let my subscription to Writing.com lapse (in review, a waste of money, but not very much money) thereby locking out some of my longer pieces of fiction (which usually happen to be my better ones). I've posted only a handful of pictures to my Photobucket in the last 18 months, and couldn't tell you how many times I have to click the "forgot my password" link on some sites I used to visit weekly.

And this site? One can clearly see by looking down a few lines that I've not posted to it in over 6 months. In addition, my profile page is in badly need of an edit (it still talks about being a board member and has links for "Never Swim Alone"...nope and nope).

What I'm saying is two-fold, really. For starters, I've obviously gone from my nesting phase right into my "give me the damn epidural already!" phase. That's right, I just compared my online activities to a pregnancy. I'm pretty sure that's a record low for me.

Secondly, I wanted to take this opportunity to reintroduce myself.

For over 5 and a half years, spanning 326 posts (and 3817 comments both given and received) I've prattled and bantered and expressed and communicated and geeked out. The major factor in that equation is the time quotient. Over 1/6th of my life (and close to half of my "adult life") I've lived since first saying to myself "I'm going to start talking about my self and my life on the INTERNET!". I wasn't so excited as to warrant an exclamation point at the time, but I'm driven to hyperbole. It's a lifestyle.

With all that in mind, who am I? What am I? Why do I matter? These are things that I can only theorize, in all honesty. Identity is subjective, isn't it? Each person looking at a painting sees something different in it. Something to respect and admire, or something to disregard and dismiss. I'm not so presumptuous as define myself as a work of art, but the analogy is still valid. And I've often been called a piece of work, which is almost the same thing.

My reintroduction does not involve giving you my name, rank and serial number, nor is it me shaking your hand and slipping you a business card. It begins with me saying this:

Welcome to this page and these words. If you've read this (and made it this far) you obviously either have respect for what I have to say or are simply waiting for me to insert another terrible metaphor into the mix. Probably both. I see upon glancing at my profile page that some folks have friended me that I don't immediately recognize, I must remedy that by visiting them in kind. And there are, of course, those that have let their accounts lapse and are vanished now from this site. I'll have it be known as well that all those who are my friends on this site, I do still read each and every one of your postings.

The reason for my absence is not simply one of limited time (since I can always find the minutes I need), or in lacking something to say (anyone that knows me in person knows I am never at a loss for words), but rather a much more personal issue.

At some point along the line, I lost track of myself. What I mean to say is that I stopped caring if anyone could, or would, hear me or not. Which is in direct contrast to my most basic nature. I don't know if I let myself get too wrapped up in my work and classes or if I just decided to roll back into my own shell. Probably a little from column "a" and a little from column "b". I choose not to be that person anymore. It's not going to be a sudden transformation, but I have to think back to when I first began this journal. It was not about who would or would not read or how many of them would come back each day. It was about expunging the vipers that were coiling around my mind before I was overwhelmed by their venom. Sometimes it was a magic show and sometimes it was a nightmare in text form. It's all about perspective and experience.

And with that, I open this songbook once more and invite anyone to take a look inside. Feel free to sing along if you know the words, or hum the tune if you don't.

TTFN
-Dav-

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain." Given all I said in regards to the movie (which wasn't really anything), I'm not entirely convinced I need to go on(...but, but you didn't SAY anything about it!). "The Dark Knight" was an excellent film (thank you). That sentence means a lot coming from me. :)

Given that I'm a big fan of musical groups and any vehicles that have wheels, I'm going to jump on a recent bandwagon I've noticed and talk about "The Dark Knight" before I've even seen it.



Yes, I realize that was a very convoluted sentence...let it go.

There has been so much talk about this flick even months before it released to theaters, mostly spurred on by the death of Ledger, which is not to say that either event should be diminished in their respective weights because of their proximity to one another. To say the movie was going to be hyped as it was, sans a lead actor's demise, is understating it.

This is the year of the comic book movie, as everyone can plainly tell. Of course, that year started sometime back in 2000 with the release of the first "X-Men", and has carried on in a sort of boolean fashion ever since, with comic book movies alternating (almost consecutively) between awful and awesome. Witness Marvel Comics properties. I choose them for this example since they've produced more to date, plus I own a few shares of stock in them.

You've got "X-Men" (2000), "Spider-Man" (2002), "X2" (2003), "Spider-Man 2" (2004), and "Iron Man" (2008).

Alternatively there's "The Hulk" (2003), "X-Men: The Last Stand" (2006), "Spider-Man 3" (2007), and "Ghost Rider" (2007).

And, while we're on that subject, what's with all the third installments going so astray? Need another example? Witness "Blade: Trinity"...but don't actually watch it, for goodness' sake. What happened "Spider-Man 3"? And don't give me that "Well...'Superman Returns' stole our director!" excuse. That only works for "X-Men". This is, of course, a sidebar for another time.



I left a few Marvel ones off the lists as they are generally considered "failures" by most, though I have my reasons for liking them in some fashion, such as with "The Punisher" (Thomas Jane was perfect for this) and "Daredevil" (...okay, I don't have a great reason for liking that one at all, sorry). And there's plenty more examples among the other publishers that don't necessarily include the tights and cape motif.

"300", "Hellboy", "V for Vendetta" (despite Alan Moore's utter dismissal of Hollywood, I still thought this one had a lot going for it, but I'll be honest, I never finished the comic...), "Sin City", "The Crow", "Men in Black"...even "A History of Violence" is based off of a graphic novel.



I'm not going to make some grand, prophetic statement about Hollywood turning to comics for an ever-increasing salvo of more entertaining movies, that would be foolish of me. And, while I may be arrogant, oblivious, self-centered, and sardonic...I can never be mistaken for "foolish". But it is nice to see a turn towards comic book movies being made with more care and interest for the central characters and themes therein. As much as "The Incredible Hulk" (the new one, not the "old" one) could have been better...it was still The Hulk. I mean, he's a big green guy who roars and punches things a lot. Not too complicated there. But this time around they went more towards the "Banner on the run, trying to solve the problem before anyone else gets hurt" route as opposed to the "I'm terribly depressed and emo about how my life turned out, and I just want to stop screwing up, and...oh yeah, did I mention my dad actually experimented on me as a baby and caused this all to happen and now he's a big giant lightning-water-rock monster?"...thing.



As pleased as I am to hear about new comic's properties being brought to the big screen, I'm always cautiously optimistic. Especially when they do things that "make sense". It's always the casting choices that seem so left-field that due the work justice. Robert Downey, Jr as Tony Stark? He's a philandering alcoholic who jets around in expensive toys and always seems to show up in the tabloids. Now, kids, for 5 bonus points...which of the two am I referring to here? But this just leads me back to my original point:

Wasn't I talking about "The Dark Knight"? Yes, I was. Sort of. Heath Ledger as The Joker set everyone a-buzz (and by everyone, I mean fanboys) a couple years back when it was announced. We all said, "are you kidding??" (somewhat of an ironic statement, I realize), but for the most part we trusted Christopher Nolan's vision. Did you SEE "Batman Begins"? It was to the Bat franchise what "Casino Royale" was to Bond. Speaking of which, did you SEE "Casino Royale"?

Sorry, off topic again.

The fact remains that from everything I've seen in print ads, reviews, clips, and trailers, it seems evident to me that Ledger pulled it off. He played The Joker, and he played him well. I say this, even though I won't be confirming it first hand for another few hours.



I know I'm going to enjoy it. No worries there. I just hope they don't screw up the third one.



Don't worry, Christian Bale. I still love you. Not like that though...I'm afraid all the joy in my heart is being held captive by Joss Whedon and this right now:

Dr. Horrible.

I realize anyone reading this has most likely already seen this. Otherwise, they may be too late (since it comes down after Sunday night), but please do yourself a favor and watch. And then buy the DVD once it comes out. There needs to be more people like Whedon producing television and movies and less reality shows. Period. They can all go die on VH1. Please.

Speaking of good television, and soon...



Add to that the upcoming "Watchmen" flick, and I'm one happy geek.



Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a joke to tell. A clown, a bat, and a lawyer all walk onto a movie screen...

TTFN

-Dav-

"Because tomorrow is an endless possibility..." "...and an endless possibility is the second best thing to wake up next to!" I always feel like I'll never forget the lines from a show I worked on as soon as it ends...then, sure enough, 6 months later I couldn't remember a scene to save my life. "Never Swim Alone", though, is a unique creature. So, I wonder about that one...

I'm going to come right out and say it:

I was not looking forward to this trip.

Seriously. I don't mean that to say I was dreading taking off from work, or that I was concerned about traveling (let's face it, I grew up in airports and gas stations). Nothing of that sort. I just didn't think I was going to enjoy being here. And I was thinking about all the places I'd rather be.

Top of the list being rehearsal for the OTHER show I'm in, but I've got some time for that.

It might have been because of how badly things went in Charlotte last June. I'm not referring to the fact that we didn't win any awards. I mean, we received a standing ovation from a pretty packed house. That's better than any trophy to me. But there was a greater impact to the group at large, and I feared for our future as an ensemble and (and I say this without irony or hesitation) as a family.

We took six months off from the play after that. Just walked away from it. We got together a few times within that hiatus, but we hardly talked of the show (despite quoting it constantly in casual conversation). When we came back to rehearse for the Maryland State Showcase performance this past January, there was a defined...detachment from the show. But we did what we do and the response was positive. From the audience at least. The adjudicators could tell there was something missing. Even though we weren't in the competition, they offered constructive notes to Jim, making reference to how we'd seemed to have lost our "edge".

I still don't know what the hell that means.

Well, not exactly, at least. See, no one could actually define what that meant in terms of how to "fix" the show. It became a buzzword that just made my skin crawl after a while. Sometimes we "had the edge back"...sometimes we were "still missing that edge". If you asked me, I saw no real difference for many of those rehearsals. But I just did my part.

Finally, May arrived. And I had work, and another play, and classwork that I was falling behind on...and a 7 day trip to Canada looming before me. My priority to this show fell way down on the list. Maybe that was the "edge" that was missing. Love. Love for the show, love for these people...not missing, just strained.

And I was so very tired.

We got on the plane...we landed...we found our lodgings...and then we stumbled into town for some food and to see what was up.

And then something happened. Not all at once...but over the next few days. Perhaps it was the beauty that exudes from the countryside, or the inherently accommodating nature of the populace, or just the sheer devotion this festival has to the joy of theater and performing for a very receptive audience...maybe it was all of those things and more, but whatever it was, I realized it again as I stood there with my family backstage and waited for the moment to come.

Love.

It was there with us the whole way. Guiding us, shaping us, and showing us that we have a more vibrant soul as a group than we ever do separately.

And we shined onstage last night. I wish the whole world could have seen it. The packed house made that journey over those 45 minutes with us, and in the end, they stood and cheered. We were all moved. We have the awards ceremony tonight, in just a couple of hours. But I'm not even thinking about that. I'm thinking about standing there on stage, holding my cast mates' hands as we took our bows and wondering how the hell we got here. Edge or not.

I'll never forget that.

TTFN

-Dav-

"You there, Ephialtes. May you live forever." "300" is, well...damn it, if you haven't seen it yet, just watch the damn movie. Damn damn. :-p

People keep asking me about "Never Swim Alone" or "Noises Off".

"How's the show going? Are you ready for Nova Scotia? How's the set look? Are rehearsals good?"

Now, I'm not by any means saying 'don't ask'. I'd never make demands of other people in that fashion, and my life is an open book. At least I assumed it was. Someone I know (I wouldn't call us close friends, but he's someone I respect and whose opinion I greatly appreciate), said to me a short time ago, "You're kinda mysterious." Or words to that effect.

That statement both troubled and comforted me. Yes, I am that split about most things as well.

I don't try to hide anything (and ANOTHER friend once told me about a year ago that I can't hide things even when I try to). I don't consider myself to have any real secrets or deep, complicated musings. I don't lie. As a standard of practice. I'm not about to say I'm incapable of lying, I just choose not to. What's the point, really?

So where is the mystery? I do keep my own counsel. Almost to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes past it. I think that's why I'm always tired. I don't trust anyone. I can't afford to, really. Every time I do...well, you know the rest of this cliche as well as I do. So what do I do?

I'm not really asking for an answer to that. I don't know what I'm asking for anymore. Except to just shut down for a while. When you run a computer process for a while, it can build up a cache of data. This will, if unchecked, slow down the machine. One of the simplest ways to clear a data cache is to reboot the device. I want a reboot. I want to flush the cache I've built up in my brain and dump my memory.

Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. What about those who remember it all and still repeat it? Do we call them lunatics? Or addicts? Or something else?

I used to think of myself as a monster, seeking redemption for my very existence. Like a demon looking for absolution. Now I just think I'm "something else". If that makes any sense.

I don't expect to make sense, and I feel no great demand that I should. Which leads me (in a roundabout and obviously "detached from reality" fashion) back to my original point.

Both shows are going well. I'm sure I'll be ready for Nova Scotia when I get there. The set is coming together nicely. And rehearsals are going well.

If only all that was enough to distract me.

TTFN

-Dav-

"Once again, things that could've been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!" "The Wedding Singer" with Adam Sandler wins because it has Drew Barrymore (always adorable) and it's set in the 80's (best period for any soundtrack).

This? This is called "skill".



I’m probably the only person (shy of a reject from a spy movie in the 60’s) to have cut the back of his own knee with his own shoe. Don’t ask me how I can accomplish these things; it’s just a rare talent I possess.

On other topics...

It’s strange, I suppose, that I should post to this site the most inquisitive, questing, and generally (let’s be honest) pathetic words when my average mood for the time being is a mild to positive one. Perhaps in a neutral emotional state I lack the drive to create and divulge any real insight and instead “ask a lot of questions”. Useless drivel, if you ask me. Which, since you’re reading this, you kinda did. Indirectly speaking.

And now, in a mood I can only describe as “down-trodden” (only because I choose to limit my vocabulary, not because I lack the words), I find myself less curious about the nature of the world and my position, or lack thereof, in it. Instead, I’m bound by this sense of personal outrage. Not at any one person, but at the nature of my choices in recent memory. I am speaking on a personal level. Under different circumstances I would employ the term “romantic” in lieu of “personal”, but there is no romance in my life. I’m not entirely certain I’m capable of it anymore.

That last sentence makes me want to weep. Believe me when I say that I’m not embellishing. I told someone something recently that I considered a secret. Not in the “now I must kill you” sense but in the “don’t let the other kids know or they’ll think I’m weird” sense. Anyone that knows me already knows I’m weird. So, what the hell.

Essentially, it’s this: I want to get married.

...

...I know, I know…that’s such a terrible truth that should never see the light of day. I can already taste the sarcasm of your thoughts. That part’s not the secret. And, before I continue, let me clarify something. I don’t want to get married now. Or even in the near future. I just know that I do. I’ve known for a long time. Since I was a young boy actually. That part was the “secret”.

I was (to the best of my knowledge) the only boy my age (9 or 10 or so) that fantasized about my wedding. I didn’t take it to the level that I understand (and know for a fact) many young girls did. Planning dresses, and bridal party outfits, and imaging the spouse to be. For me, it was more about the idea that I could meet someone so amazing that I would have no choice but to spend the rest of my life with them. To have a family. To create a life together (both in the literal sense of children and the figurative sense of the marriage itself). I probably composed a hundred different vows in my head over time. And this was almost a decade before I even met the first (and thus far only) woman I was engaged to.

I was a child, but I think I understood the purity of love and romance better than any other idea. A hell of a lot better than physics or golf, I’ll tell you that. I still don’t get those to this day. That was about 20 years ago now. There are people I spend time with in the present who were either infants or not yet born in those days. That should, by my own personal accounts, be further back than my memory can roam. Yet I still remember those daydreams. So very much has happened since then. Many people have entered and left my life. Some have come back, albeit in a much different fashion than I first knew them.

That girl I loved ten years ago? The one I wanted to marry more than anything else when I was a young man? She’s a wife and mother to two beautiful children. I met her husband once, briefly, before they moved to Italy two years ago (he’s in the Navy). He’s an intelligent, compassionate man, with a good sense of humor and a devotion to his family. I know this for two reasons. One, I can gauge a person’s character pretty quickly, always have. And two, she chose him to be with her, and she would accept no less than that. After that meeting, she later asked me if “he reminded [me] of anyone”. I don’t recall if I responded. Not vocally at least. Take that how you will. I did.

This leads back to where I am today. Writing these words and thinking these thoughts. Trying not to break anymore than I already have. Someone I know judged me recently. Quite unfairly, I might add (which, obviously, sparked this internal debate). What they said and why they said it are irrelevant to this discussion, despite how barbed they were in my ear. What stands at present is this: I’m pulling away from the people I care about and I’m not entirely sure why. The best excuse I can think of is some manner of emotional virginity. The idea that I’m saving my deepest thoughts for someone special.

That assumes, of course, that I have any sort of depth to my character at all. That’s why I felt the need to write this. To expose a part of myself that no one has seen. Which is saying a lot considering how many shows I’ve done where I lose various articles of clothing. Much to the audience’s shock and horror.

I think of myself as open and honest. I say I have no real secrets. Or, as I told another friend recently, “no interesting ones at least”. Random strangers talk to me all the time. Ask me questions, chat topically, ask me about a tattoo…it’s as though if I meet someone’s eyes they feel compelled to say something to me, be it a simple greeting or “did the one on your wrist hurt?” (the answer is, of course, yes). But I lock everything up inside. You ask me what’s wrong; I say, “I’m fine”. Which is just shy of a bald-faced lie. Is it a defense mechanism? Is it a psychological block? Who am I protecting by keeping it down? Here am I, back to questions…

What I mean to say is that I don’t want to be that person who doubts his capacity for love. Both to give it and to be worthy of receiving it. Romantic love is one of the first things I can remember truly believing in. In many ways it’s the source of my faith. And it’s been shaken something fierce as of late. This is the part where I wax poetic about searching for my “Princess Buttercup” or the “Lilly to my Jack” or even (more contemporarily) an “Inara for my Mal”. But I’m not a kid anymore.

When a man realizes that all that he knew and believed was just a child’s fantasy, where does his faith go?

For the record, that question (and any other one I ask here) is rhetorical.

TTFN

-Dav-

"I'll come again when you have judge on the menu..." "Sweeney Todd" was a winner for me in that it had Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, & Tim Burton all working together again. Plus Alan Rickman. What ISN'T made better when you include Alan Rickman?

Almost missed another month. Not that anyone is keeping score. More importantly (to me, at least, and this is my journal), I haven't replied to any of the last several comments left on my most recent posts. You know, the ones I wrote within the last two months? I'm not intending on going back and correcting that, as that window has closed I feel. Topical discovery and what not. But I do expect to remedy that perceived rudeness going forward.

That isn't to say I'm making anything but lateral progress, but that's just semantics. Which, in many ways, is the name of my game.

What is there really to talk about? I'm working the same job after several months. Just passed the three year mark here (even though I started as a temp worker in March of '05). It's good. Pay is good. Benefits are good. Hours are good. People are good. Not really an interesting subject unless you want to debate the limited versatility yet excellent resilience of a Toughbook, and the issues inherent to the internal broadband card connection speed, vis a vis the mobile applications that require a constant connection. See? Dull.

Or how about the online courses I've been taking? Hope to be out and down with a fresh new Bachelors (my first ever) in less than two years. As long as I can pass a bloody college writing course. Seriously, am I the only one who thought that would be a joke for me to pass? If you felt that way, then joke's on you....I've never performed well in English and writing courses. Much like art classes of any sort (especially the visual ones). I always seem to have an altered perception of art from that of my professor. Or, more likely, they stringent guidelines laid out for the work required for the course are too confining for my tastes and/or ability. I'll pull a "B" out of this one, but then it's all programming courses after that, so I fail to see the value of a class on writing research papers. But that's just me.

I'm in another play. Did I mention that? No probably not, since I was just cast in February, and my last post was almost before that. "Noises Off" is the show. Opens May 30th and runs three weekends at PTP (as usual). Good stuff. Come see me as Garry/Roger (the part John Ritter played in the movie). I'll put up a flier once I get a digital copy of it.

Well, this was an exceptionally pointless post. Until next time...

TTFN

-Dav-

"I'm sorry. My responses are limited. You must ask the right questions." "I, Robot" was, at first glance, a forgettable flick. Then I realized Alan Tudyk was the voice of the main robot (who's name escapes me, ironically), and that made it ten times better.

When is too much acceptable, and too little enough? When do we forget who we are simply to make the days more breathable? When do the choices we made yesterday become the mistakes we live with today? When are we free to choose and bound to our decisions?

Who is the person we wish we were? Where are we destined to find them? How will we know when that day comes? When is it? When was it? When will it be?

I don't stop if I can help it. Can't stop. Have to keep running, and moving, and climbing, and shifting. Go here, do that, know this, have at, take one, give two, just who are you?

Blistering speed? What does that even mean? Is it relating to the friction that develops between an object and an atmosphere at high velocity? If we maintain too high a rate of speed, will we be eroded away into nothing more than a pile of sand?

I can't stop, it won't help it. Won't help. Have to keeping trying, and aiding, and being, and hoping. Have faith, have love, have all of the above, or none at all.

What am I? Where do I come from? What am I becoming? Where will I be?

Don't you ever get sick of all the fucking questions? Am I the only one who thinks the answer is a joke?

TTFN

-Dav-

"Okay, so our choices are we die in here, die in the subway, or die on the streets." -"Cloverfield"

Things are things. Time is passing. Days are wandering by. I got cast in another show ("Noises Off") which makes me quite pleased. Partly with myself, but mostly with the group of people I get to work with. Someone asked me how the first read through went on Tuesday night and I just replied "hilarious". I honestly think this is one of the funniest stage plays ever. But that might just be because the movie version has Michael Caine, Carol Burnett, Christopher Reeve, John Ritter, Julie Hagerty, etc etc etc...

Hey, any show where I get to fall from a second story balcony with my shoelaces tied together is keen with me.

I was also elected to PTP Board. That still seems kind of random. I sort of entered my name on a lark. Not that I didn't want the position. Had I not been interested, I wouldn't have run. But I sort of didn't expect to be picked. I look forward to trying something new, as I often do.

I'm about 3 months into the new job, and I'm still wading through it. I keep hearing about "how busy it gets" and "just wait...you'll be missing the overtime pay soon enough"...but I'd LIKE to be slammed with work. I like to be busy and active. I somewhat feel like a slug right now. Partly parasitic. There's not much to do to change that, besides staying alert and helping where I can. Every scrap of info and piece of data I assimilate is stored for later use. Plus, I started my college courses up and we're talking about training classes for corporate applications, so in a few months I should have a more concrete understanding of what it is I'm supposed to be doing. For the past three months. Everything in its time.

My iPod rolled over to a song today that I hadn't heard in a while (with over 7,000 tracks, it's not often you hear the same one twice in a given space of time). But it was a song I used to listen to daily (and more frequently than that) a little less than a year ago.

It's dark in here
Visions are flashing into my head
As I reminisce
My reoccurring dreams and you said...

Words that echo through my temples like tiny shards of glass. Music is my sense memory, but it rarely draws anything from my subconscious but hurts, both misperceived and unintentional. But why does it hurt is the matter at hand. I assigned it a reason, simple, straightforward and (most likely) too simplistic to be honest. Still, I see those words in the pitch and I tremble at their passing.

Why are you taking so long?
You need to come and find me, honey
To set your mind at rest
And let your dreams run free...

Why indeed...?

TTFN

-Dav-

"All that you know, is at an end." "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" had me on one condition: that Dr. Doom did not return. Well they fucked that one up less than halfway in. And Galactus? For 5 minutes of the movie?? No, no...I liked it. Sure. :-p

The lyrics you see running around these days...I mean, who condones this business?:

I stand before, a road that will lead
Into the unknown, at least unknown to me
I want to go, but I'm paralyzed with fear
Fear of a choice, where the outcome isn't clear

No, but still I go

And I take, the first step of a million more
And I'll make mistakes I've never made before
But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward
At least I'm moving forward...

I wonder if, the journey will be
Short as I hope, or much longer than it seems
But either way, I've made up my mind
I'm through feeling scared, I'm leaving that behind

So, now it's time to go

All the while I'll be singing,
Na, na, na, na, na...

And I take, the first step of a million more
And I'll make mistakes I've never made before
But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward
At least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward...

"Moving Forward" by Hoobastank. Ignoring the utterly peculiar (and somewhat dirty sounding) name of the band, this is from "Every Man For Himself", a particularly uplifting album which delves into the realm of self-empowerment and stays there for the season. End of music review.

Change. The only constant in life. When you think about it, everything is change. One minute to the next, day into night, year into decade, life into death, and then back around again. Depending on one's definition, change can be applied to anything. Subjectively is the name of the game. A means A to you while B means C to me. How can I expect anyone to see from my point of view if I keep changing the angle?

Inside all of us is the capacity to imagine. We can fantasize and script fiction and dream and picture with our mind's eye. For some, the simple escapism is enough to encourage and entertain. For others, we need to find a deeper meaning to our days. A purpose. What drives us and centers us? What is it that we need to make ourselves complete? I know this answer, at least as long as I ask myself the question. If you asked me the same question about your own identity, I don't think I could come up with the solution as soundly. The soul of humanity is not a mathematical equation. And, even if it were, I'm no mathematician. I gave up on algebra long ago.

The truth of who we are is a lonely one in it's discovery. No amount of aid can guide us if we don't want to know. But we can only know when we're ready to. The whole idea of it is colossally complicated in its infinitesimal simplicity. It could be a single phrase, or idea, or even just a word. I learned mine several years ago. I've held it like a beacon in my darker moments, hoping it would keep me warm and lit. Sometimes I think that very knowledge and faith I have helps to keep me separate from others. Others who might care about me. But strangers by my choice at times.

I don't know how I got to here. I started talking about change, and now I'm evaluating my own personal meaning. Well, not so much evaluating as reviewing it. Perhaps it's that very meaning and the understanding of it that draws people to me. Far and away, I'm complimented on my eyes before all other physical attributes. If I accept the idea that the eyes are the window, could it be that my panes are clearer than others? Or is there something else there that other's see which I can never glimpse myself? I could just chalk it up to the color blue being the general preference.

Each minute of each day of each year of each decade of my life brings a change. Some small, some vast, but all that push me towards the next moment. Towards a better comprehension of the pieces that make me whole. Towards the meaning of it all. I'd say it's daunting or even overwhelming, but that's not part of my equation.

Maybe there's some math to it after all.

TTFN

-Dav-

"Courage of the heart is very rare. The Stone has a power when it's there." "The Secret of NiMH" is something that resonates with me, even today. I have all these bizarre memories of it, warped by the temporal degradation of memory as well as the perspectives a partially formed awareness of the world. And I just watched it last month. :-p

These lyrics, and the interceding words are not meant for anyone in particular. In fact, they speak of no one. And of everyone. All those people who got close to me. For the short time they were there.

"Your presence meant more than I’d anticipated
Took my breath away, so I asphyxiated
Forgive me, but I just don’t think I have that kind of strength"

I don’t say these things to draw sympathy. Or pity. Especially not pity. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don’t like the idea of people looking at me differently. Even though they do. They always do. They always have. I don’t always dislike it. In fact, I enjoy the attention at times. But even admiring glances can start to feel like the deadened gaze of onlookers at a zoo, over time.

So I seek private company, with no clear idea of what I hope to find. And it burns me in the end.

"My weakness is fragile and it’s feminine
And one’s benediction is another man’s sin
Fools rush in where wise men stay at arm’s length"

It’s my own fault. I know this. I don’t hold anyone else accountable but my own selfish initiative. I can never be entirely sure what drives me though. Is it a lack of willpower, which seems unlikely, or is it something that draws me in? Something I can sense in another human being that can only be defined as a "need" or a "desire"? I don’t often seem to think things through very well, either.

"If you were a hundred miles away
If you were a thousand miles away
If you were a million miles away
It would be better than having you here at arm’s length"

I’ve traveled far and wide. Both in the company of my family and with no one else at my side. I have yet to find a distance that I couldn’t cross.

"I wish I had known when I lay by your side
That it was to be for the very last time
How much more would I have thought to savor?"

But the paths we tread always have an end. A destination. If we could see the final outcome of all of our choices, would be change our decisions, or would we be frozen by inaction? Terrified of what we’ll bring about?

"Or that one sweet final kiss
Nice girls aren’t supposed to write songs like this
Fell so quickly in love, just as quickly out of favor"

Moods and minds change like the wind about me. I have to wonder how much I impact these shifts in fancy. Is it my actions or lack thereof that drift me from one side of a person’s desires to the far opposite. How many times have I heard the sweetest compliments only to later have them go bitter in my mouth as the emotions behind them turn like old milk.

"Some distances can’t be measured by miles
Pain that I feel at each one of your smiles
Nice girls aren’t supposed to even think these thoughts"

I never feel as far removed from the rest of humanity as I do when I’m immersed in it. Surround me with people and I will feel farther and farther from who I really am. This is both a merit and a bane to me. The thoughts that crowd my head at times are sharp enough to tattoo my skull from within.

"If you were a light year gone from time
I’m telling you, boy — the pleasure is mine
Look at me here with all this trouble I bought...so willingly"

Time and space are never absolutes. Not to science, which has only limited means of measurement, and not to philosophy, which holds greater dominion over such concepts than any empirical based sphere of knowledge. We cannot help but view these natural abstracts as something we can grasp with a quick enough hand or mind.

Such a grip is not ours to have. Or maybe I'm just losing mine.

TTFN

-Dav-

"Now we're even. I have done you wrong, and you've stabbed me twice with forks." When I first saw previews for "Let's Go to Prison", I thought "This is probably the stupidest movie ever made". That wasn't far from the truth. But Dax Shepherd actually helped to bring the movie up for me. And Chi McBride...I can never say enough good things about him. :)

So...turns out that new job I have coming to me this Friday comes with a little bonus. Besides being a change of scenery, and apart from being on the side of the company that now matches my 401k contributions (there’s a phrase I’d never imagine myself saying ten years ago), I’m also getting an automatic "cost-of-living" raise at the first of the year. This gets better every week.

Did I mention they have a tuition assistance program too? I could get a degree in the next couple of years on the "company’s dime" (as one person put it), only paying 10% tuition as long as I maintain an A average. Just have to find the time. The only drawback is that I’ve no doubts that I will be working hours above and beyond my base 40 each week, and I no longer qualify for overtime pay. Which is something I could really use right now.

I was hoping to take a trip in January with some friends to "the happiest place on earth" (i.e., the theme park that started theme parks), Disney World in Orlando. It was a great idea back in August…when I still had a working transmission, and we hadn’t found out about the show going to Nova Scotia yet...so there was very little on the horizon that was going to be tugging at my already strapped wallet.

Did I mention that yet? Nova Scotia? Turns out, a rep for the International Festivals was down in Charlotte on that LONG day back in June when we performed "Never Swim Alone" to a standing ovation and they suggested we apply for one of their upcoming events. We did, and we were invited to attend. With past entries from such places as Spain, Greece, Italy, France, Austria, the Czech Republic, Poland, Ireland, Iceland, Algeria, the Congo, Iran, Korea, Georgia, Brazil, and El Salvador (among others), we were one of 10 to 12 theater companies invited to attend The 2008 Liverpool International Theatre Festival in Liverpool, Nova Scotia, Canada this coming May. By coincidence, happy or otherwise, it’s my birthday weekend. For my money, there aren’t many events or people I’d rather be involved in or with on the weekend I turn 29.

When did that happen anyway? This time next year I’ll be half a year from 30. I really need to grow up, you know?

Anyway, back to "my money"...

The gist of this is, between having to replace ANOTHER transmission (even with getting a nice chunk of that comp’d) and a plane tickets plus a passport for May and (not to mention, even though I am) thinking of getting a place of my own in the next 12 months and just trying to break even (for ONCE) and (in addition) having to fix the sound on my computer, I don’t know if I can justify spending upwards of $700 on a week long vacation in a couple of months. As wonderful as the whole thing sounds. Meanwhile, I need to look into signing up for courses for next semester (which I still need to pay for up front to be reimbursed based upon my final performance in June), as well as decide which (if any) shows I want to audition for come Spring.

Not really sure I can manage the time sink of them now. I’m toying with the idea of getting a part time job to supplement (which is an idea I’ve been toying with for a couple of years now, but you don’t realize how badly I want to squash any and all debt I’ve accrued), so I don’t know how much time I’d have for such "extracurricular activities". Did I include the part where I still owe the state if NJ a couple hundred bucks or else my license gets suspended. This happens, like, tomorrow. Maybe I should get on that too.

Meanwhile, though, I’ve submitted to both direct for next season and for PTP Board nomination. Not that I expect to obtain either, but it can’t hurt to throw my hat in the ring. Unless I don’t wear a hat. That does present a complication.

Not sure where I was going with that, but I’ll leave it lie.

In short, it's always something. But that's how it is for everyone, I suspect. Feel free to disregard any and all of the above. Only what follows should matter.

And now, your moment of Zen:


...I guess this is even more fitting then ever now.. :)



TTFN

-Dav-

"By creating a legacy, by living a life worth remembering, you become immortal." I really dig the "Saw" series of flicks (still have yet to see "Saw IV") mainly because as they continue the movies, the plots from each draw into a larger narrative. A lot of people get stuck on the grotesques that are the traps, but it's more about the nature of humanity and our inability to take true responsibility for ourselves. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much.

Every time I see a previous post without a subject line I find myself tempted to go back and add one in. It serves no purpose besides to better identify it to me if I return to review them later, but I really can't define content in the context of the header. In effect, that part really has no greater bearing then to "pretty up" the page.

And I just spent an entire paragraph on the value (or lack there of) in regards to the subject headings of my online postings. I, apparently, need to get out more. Who knew?

Everything seems to work is this bizarre, cosmic balance for me. For example, my transmission died. Again. Did I tell you this? Back in June on the way back from Charlotte the trans in my Avalon decided it was tired and wanted a nap. Forever. I was twenty or so miles south of Richmond at the time. This occasion was much more convenient, if you can call it such. I was on a road that was only about 2 or 3 miles from my house when the recently replaced transmission regurgitated it's fluids all over said road. Shop tells me that it just needs to be replaced. Fantastic.

Fortunately, I find out, I'm under warranty for it from the place I bought the used one from. So they'll replace it free of charge AND reimburse me about 60% of the labor costs. Still, that's a few hundred out of my pocket that I would rather have for all kinds of bee-I mean sodas, and ice cream, and anything that I want to keep cold.

That wasn't exactly the positive side of the coin though, more like the less darkened side of a burnt piece of toast. The good news in this equation of "all things equal" is that I applied for an IT post at work...and I got it. I had hoped it was coming to me, but I'd fully expected to be unqualified for it (from an education standpoint mostly). Happy to be wrong, I'll tell you. It's not a large raise monetarily, but it'll be a new, challenging position.

I could do with some change, which should be clear by now, I hope. Back to the whole "getting out more".

In a completely different vein, can I talk for just a minute about something that I cannot stand? It's odd news, of course, which just makes it that much more annoying that I saw a news report on it TODAY at the gym: violence in video games destroying today's youth.

The story goes like this: "Manhunt 2" is violent. People do violent things in it. Violence is bad. Kids play this game. Kids become violent. Doom for all. The only thing the Dateline report said that made ANY sense was about how it's really up to the parents to monitor their children's use of the game. I'm amused that the defending quotes from Take-Two (the publisher of this particular "atrocity") are in very fine print at the bottom of the article, after an advertisement.

Didn't we have this "discussion" several times already over the last several years? Can we just shut up about it now?

Rant over, moving on.

Halloween Pictures Here. Let me just say, Saturday at the Kleyle's was fun (got to show off my costume, despite my obese rotundness)...but Friday was something else entirely. Let me just start off by saying I consumed more alcohol in a short span of time than I think I ever have before, with no ill effects....and that's all I have to say about that. The night had it's positives and negatives (extremes on both ends, don't you know), but all in all, a good time was had by most if not all.

It always flies by so fast, and then I just want it back again.

The best part about the whole weekend was Sunday, though. Just hanging around with a dozen or so random friends (all theater folk) talking shit, watching TV, and drinking what was left of the keg out back. One fellow there said it best, "I'm having a great time. I really like this whole dorm vibe we have here." I only wish I wasn't so quick to pass out the night before and fall lax in assisting with clean up. But hey, I didn't vomit at all this past weekend. That has to count for something.

Everything is a balance. Up and down, left and in, right and through, hope and trust. We never stay down forever. And by "we" I mean "I". And by "down" I mean "a cosmic beat post".

I really need to get out more. But not until the weather warms up again. It's getting chilly out there.

TTFN

-Dav-

Quick note before I go any further:
If anyone is planning on going to King's Dominion between now and the end of October, I have a spare ticket I'm willing to sell for $20. End of line.

Speaking of King's Dominion...excellent good. :) We (by we, I mean Katie, Mikey, and I..."The Three Amigos") went there on Saturday for the bulk of the day. At this time of the year, they revamp the park for the season into "Haunt".

It was 1 part cheesy decorations, 1 part smoke machines, 1 part mass hysteria. Seriously. People were taking swings into the fog because they'd convinced themselves that something was there.

They were only slightly wrong...when the small army of clowns started to materialize from the ever expanding darkness, things became a little more real for them. All it all it was quite a lot of fun. Random goblins popping up here and there, plenty to see and be spooked by...time well spent. I really dig Halloween.

Speaking Halloween...it's almost that time. The annual party season is upon us, and (as always) we have another bash at the old homestead. And by homestead, I mean the townhouse. Friday, October 26th. Costumes, drinks, random towing of cars. Oh wait, that was just MINE. All kidding aside, they've started employing tow ninjas in the neighborhood now. They wait for you to turn around and they snatch up your vehicle. Please let me know if you're coming so we can direct you to the proper car depository.

That is all for now, more to follow when I've gotten more sleep, and have more things of value to say. Like about how fantastic "Chuck" on NBC is. Oh yes...

TTFN

-Dav-

"You know what music is? Harmonic connection between all living beings." "August Rush" is the name of the flick, with the Robin Williams and Freddie Highmore. Um...it's about music? Not sure. Looks like it could be good. Or really awful. Movies are such a crap shoot most times. :-p

(The quote is a cheat because it was from a trailer for a flick that's not out yet, but it ran in front of the movie I did see tonight)



"Is there anybody going to listen to my story..."

The first thing I need to say is "Across the Universe" was a pretty astonishing flick. Visually is was quite arresting, and the music was amazing. But this is not a review. I don't do movie reviews very well. I'm not that level of critically minded. I just don't have the right programming for that. Instead, this is me (the writer) telling you (the reader) how much I enjoyed the movie. But more than just the movie, I loved the music. It was a rare occasion where what a piece had to say was less important to me than how it said it. Or sang it, in this case.



"Every night when everybody has fun..."

Music is something that is decidedly important to me. I think if I'm known for anything (outside the realm of bad choices and poor acting) it's for my nigh-limitless knowledge of movies from the last 30 years. A close second is drawn when it comes to music from this half of the century NOT released in the past ten years.



"He say 'One and one and one is three', got to be good-looking cos he's so hard to see...

The movie has something to say about war, and Civil Rights, and (to a lesser degree) socio-economic standards of the middle class. I'm probably stretching for that last one, but that's irrelevant. What the movie really talks about, is love.



"The band begins at ten to six..."

A family of people brought together for various reasons, but bound by faith in each other and hope that with one another things will always be worthwhile. I'm certain I've over dramatized it, and maybe that's not the exact message after all, but it's something that sits close to my heart. Spending time, precious and rare, with the people you care about. Making certain that they know you care for them.



"The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you..."

The world is a lovely place. It's a cold dark place. It's full of hope and love. It's a barren expanse devoid of joy. It's everything and it's nothing and it's all that can and cannot be. I realize, right about now, you're having a hard time believing that I ever studied philosophy, much less majored in it.



"Nothing you can make that can't be made, no one you can save that can't be saved..."

But I don't have to make sense. I don't have to be understood. I don't have to be liked or loved or feared or intimidating. Nothing and no one will make me happy unless I choose to let it. Unless I decide to embrace happiness, it will always escape me. Simple to say, hard to accept.



"All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need"

It's late, I'm tired (little "Chuck" reference there)...but what it comes down to is that I saw an incredible movie tonight. Not a life-changing movie, or a mind-blowing movie, but an entertaining flick with a lot of very nice music.

And now you're having trouble believing I'm a writer to boot.

But it's like I said, I don't have to impress you. Just know that I care, and that I'm always around. If you're reading this, I'm most likely talking to you. You've met me or spent time with me or talked to me. And those are valuable things. If you're reading this by chance, by simply happening across it on a Google search, or randomly surfing through LJ's...well it still includes you. You took the time to read my words. To look into a little slice of me. And while the sliver I served up may not be terribly appetizing, it's still a rare part of me that I'm willing to share.

I hope you enjoy it, and all the came before as well as all to follow after. Welcome to my story.

TTFN

-Dav-

"He's gonna be a fry cook on Venus." Who know this one? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Frye? Frye? If you don't know it now, I get to slap you one time for free. Them's the rules. :)